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My Experience with a Serial Cocksucker

I believe I’ve made it clear that I despise “online game”.

That having been said, it doesn’t mean I don’t dabble in it occasionally. Being a college student, I need to find a bankroll. I’m not currently employed, but have parents who are well-off and therefore I’m not going to abuse my state’s obnoxiously generous unemployment benefits system just so I can get laid off the taxpayers. I’ll save that luxury for feminist freeloaders like Sandra Fluke.

I have a POF profile that I only enable during the bitterest of cold streaks – and have only used for one notch before. That said, my lack of a job, and lack of things to do over winter break away from all the young girls inhabiting my school’s campus, left me little choice but to do what I rarely do: enable my POF profile once again.

While you may think I’d hate online game because 99% of girls online are fat, I dislike it even more due to the fact that I have to read through profiles that are filled with nonsense straight from the rationalization hamster. Sentences, even paragraphs about the different ways in which I’ll be qualified. And, no POF female profile would be complete without the “I’m not looking to be your hookup” lie. I call this a lie because nearly all the girls I’ve talked to with this in their profile have ended up expressing sexual interest, often before even getting my number. Screening out guys looking for “Intimate Encounter” is also a telling lie. In fact, these are such telling lies that I’m beginning to think girls that put this nonsense in their profile are actually more likely to put out than those who don’t. Food for thought.

Anyway, onto the actual story:

It’s a Sunday Night and I’m bored as shit – I take 30-45 minutes out of my night and I mass message the most attractive girls I can find (not many, as you may have guessed, and I’m sure some of them were SIFs). Also, keep in mind that we’re talking about online game here. “Attractive” means 6 out of 10. Eventually I get a response from a girl who we will refer to as ‘Clara’. In her profile, she explicitly mentioned about how she didn’t go for hookups. I decided to put my theory to the test.

Clara was looking for a “tall cutie” and listed herself as 5′ 8″.

I’m taller than her, but not by much at all, so I drop a line about how it’s surprising to see a girl with height requirements, considering I thought the newest big thing was dick requirements. She enjoyed that, and we exchanged a few messages before she wanted my number.

Okay, sure.

Clara was out of town at the time of our first exchanges over POF – with her family somewhere remote (connected enough to have data on her phone) and she was returning in two days. She seemed clingy, too. For example, if I didn’t respond to a message immediately she’d send me a follow-up smiley face or question mark to get me to answer quicker. It wasn’t 48 hours before she sent me a completely naked picture of herself. Very nice tits, a little thick, but nothing that I wouldn’t hit. Especially considering she was a POF girl. She texted me dirty things nonstop, talking about the things she wanted to do to me when she got back home. When she got home, she wanted to hang out that night, immediately. “I’ll probably blow you”, she said.

We arranged to hook up in my car. I really didn’t give a shit, if you couldn’t already tell, and this was looking to be at least one of those stories to talk about. I mean, here I am. Talking about it.

I picked her up, and to my delight she was one of those rare cases in which she looked better than her worst picture. She really wasn’t that bad at all. Her pictures led me to believe she was a 5. In real life, she was a solid 6. On the way to my secret location to park the car, she talks about how sucking dick is a skill she has “perfected over the years.” I ask her if she’s serious and she says she is. She continued by saying “My friends all think it’s gross, but it’s something I love doing. I’m great at it and it’s a way to express myself.” I remind her that I’m not complaining.

We get to the location and start making out immediately. I grab her tits and suck on them a little. It’s not long at all before she unhooks my belt and has my cock in her mouth. I will say, it was certainly above-average fellatio, but for a girl who claims to have perfected this skill over the year, I was expecting to cum a little quicker. Don’t act like you could represent Team USA in the blowjob competition of the sex olympics and then barely outperform my ex-girlfriend.

But it was acceptable.

I had considered sex and had brought condoms but I came in her mouth already, and didn’t have the stamina to go in the backseat. Plus this was a new spot and I was a little wary of the cops. Let’s just say, if I’m going to be caught banging a girl it needs to be an 8 or better. Maybe a 7 depending on the remoteness of the location. But I wasn’t going to be caught in that sort of situation with this particular girl. I call it a night.

I quickly take her to the Taco Bell drive-thru and order some Doritos Tacos Supreme for myself only, and end up dropping her off back at her house. It was the last time I would ever receive any sort of contact from her again.

I’m a little confused by the fact that she cut me off entirely. I wasn’t obnoxious, we seemed like we connected, I have a good-size dick, and I made her laugh. I’ve never seen a girl so into me and then so, not into me. Except for one particular time that actually made sense.

I theorized that perhaps what I had just dealt with, what had just sucked my dick, was in fact a serial cocksucker. A girl who goes online, finds a guy to blow quickly, enjoys him for an hour, and then leaves him, never to speak a word to him again. Without fully believing it myself, I half-heartedly asked one of my guy friends who is on POF and in the same area if he had any contact with this girl.

It turns out that yes, he had. And not just that, but his experience with her was eerily similar. She had expressed interest, sexted him, then sucked his dick one night and never talked to him again. My mind was blown. There was indeed a serial cocksucker among the locals, and who lived only five minutes from my house. I didn’t know whether to laugh or schedule a herpes screening – but it was a grand revelation, and one that I’m still amazed at.

I do wonder just how many dicks she has sucked in her career as a complete slut.

P.S. Don’t actually listen to that song. It blows.

Losing A Close Guy Friend is the Worst

The following post is a repeat that was originally on my blog, the Campus Bachelor. It’s being re-posted here as I’d like this blog to feature all of my work, including posts like this one that didn’t transfer over automatically during the recent move back to ‘IQVX’. Enjoy!

This post originally went live on November 24, 2012.

About one year ago, I lost probably one of my greatest friends. He didn’t know it, but he was definitely going to be the best wingman I could have had going forward. He really didn’t become competent with girls until nearing the end of our friendship. One memory: We drove to a house with two horny girls in the 6-7 range waiting for us. He didn’t have a condom, and he didn’t care. Wasn’t long before he was fucking his girl in the ass, and eventually dominating her vagina.

I continued to have sex with my girl normally, but thought quietly, he’s really coming around.

But that’s beside the point.

Let’s call him Matt.

Our friends group had long made fun of Matt for having “no game”. He had received female attention often in school and never took advantage of it. He was shy, but incredibly smart – unlike his borderline mentally retarded older brother – and just seemed to have an adeptness for life that cannot really be explained. I met Matt originally through his aforementioned older brother, who was my age, and in my grade and a very good friend for a long time. ‘Retarded’ is definitely a hefty charge, but one I don’t think is inaccurate, these days. Matt’s brother was consumed by marijuana in both the physical and mental sense, and to this day is still floating somewhere that can’t be reached. Sad considering how nice of a guy he was, and how helpful he was to me personally, during our younger years.

Matt himself also took a liking to a drug, however this one was much more common, and much more dangerous: Alcohol. It seemed to begin as just a fad – I mean, who doesn’t love getting drunk the first few times they’re lucky enough to do so? I sure loved the feeling. But after a while I settled down, as do most people.

Matt didn’t.

In fact, he kept drinking at an alarming level. At this point, he was only a junior in high school. He drank every weekend but it didn’t seem to affect his grades. He was in all-honors classes, particularly proficient in math and science. As time transitioned towards Senior year, he started to drink incessantly – every day – including morning, afternoon, night. He was a living, breathing, high-functioning alcoholic… at only age 16.

I always felt that I was best-positioned to help Matt and potentially turn his life around. But I was away at college for my first year, and much too distant to have any influence on the way he was operating – hell, it was a challenge even when I was at home living down the road from him. We talked and hung out when I was back, but gradually, we grew apart and he became entrenched in a social group where drugs and alcohol were commonplace. I occasionally dabbled in this group (and it landed me a few notches) but never really had a spot in it. I was too distant and at odds with the intelligence level, save for Matt.

During the last day of school his junior year, he was caught belligerently drunk at school. His parents tried to cut him off from that social circle that was influencing and fueling his addiction, but to no avail. Eventually, not wanting to see their son secluded, they gave in and let him back in a little. He cleverly found ways around their restrictions (although said restrictions were hilariously flawed) and continued to feed his addiction more. During the summer before his junior year of high school, I thought his run had finally come to an end: He was caught driving drunk. It’s over, I thought.

But it wasn’t. With a little quick thinking, and a lot of luck, his life continued.

The officer asked for his parents’ phone number. He gave them his brother’s instead.

I watched intently as his brother answered the phone, understanding clear as day (he’s not totally retarded) the situation that Matt was in. He, pretending to be his dad, told the officer he was “sending his son to get his younger brother” and drive him back. Bizarrely, it worked.

His brother and I drove to the scene to find a distraught and drunk Matt. The officer said “I’m not going to ruin this kid’s life. I’m not going to give him a DUI. But he’s got to get his shit together. Because he’s sixteen – and he’s drunk.”

I had mixed emotions about this. On the one hand, he deserved a DUI hands-down, and maybe it would have ended his addiction for good. On the other, it could have spiraled him into serious depression and more drinking… looking at a life of poor job prospects with that underage felony always in the back of his head. The officer gave him a million other tickets that weren’t the big one – and he had to work 2 jobs over that summer just to pay the court fees. He did all that, and yet still drove drunk and made the same poor decisions.

However, with regards to the game, he’d made great strides and was getting notches on his own for a change. It took me a while to realize it, but the alcohol (which soon wasn’t enough – he began mixing with drugs) had created a completely aloof teenager who treated girls poorly and met most of them at night while he was drunk. All of these things are tenets of great game, but an even better attitude. He pulled off some feats that even I wasn’t able to. Impressive kid.

Sadly, he also became irrational. He had been “dating” a girl long-distance who I had previously exchanged steamy texts with a while ago (I was bored). I’d hear stories all the time of how he would cheat on her with the local pussy offerings. One day I was once again bored… and in a moment in which I didn’t think, sent her a photo of herself naked that she’d sent me a while ago as a joke. Somehow, word of that got to Matt, who cut off all communication with me.

Was it his distaste for my comments about his alcohol abuse and he was just using this incident as an excuse? Surely he didn’t care about the bitch – he was cheating on her. Or was it just his irrationality reaching a new height? I don’t know, and I still don’t know, and I’ve grown to not care.

Hypocritically, I say that as I’ve already typed over 1,000 words to this post.

The truth is that I do care – and while I was wrong, he was more wrong to cut me off. Something wasn’t right and still isn’t right about it all. But I will say that a real friendship between two men is much more powerful than any bond you could possibly share with a girl who you’re keeping around for the midnight trysts and backseat panty flings.

He has me blocked on some social networks, unblocked on others. I check in on him periodically (I’m still friends with some of his friends) and despite his seeming hatred of me, would be pretty upset if something ever happened to him. He’s not the same person that I initially befriended by any means, but I feel like what he’s become and I could have gotten along fine.

I guess I’ll never know.

The 5 Types of Girls You’ll Meet Online

The following post is a repeat that was originally on my blog, the Campus Bachelor. It’s being re-posted here as I’d like this blog to feature all of my work, including posts like this one that didn’t transfer over automatically during the recent move back to ‘IQVX’. Enjoy!

This post originally went live on October 10, 2012.

I have been and partially still am extremely sketpical of online game – mainly using the dating sites OkCupid and POF. Firstly, you don’t need me or anyone else to tell you that using a dating site can lower your value. Worse, neither site has any way for you to fly under the radar – to have a hidden profile or something of that sort. (Can’t really blame them)

And it’s pretty widespread thought that there are few very attractive girls on these sites. After a few weeks of messing around with it, I’d wager that the average girl is around a 5 (median, 4). And there are a considerable amount of fake profiles of girls, created by guys – typically in larger cities – that are either made in an effort to open up opportunities for themselves with the real girls, which doesn’t work, or made of racy pictures of their ex-girlfriends so they can jerk off at all the male interest in the very pussy they formerly ravaged.

But fear not… bleak as it may seem, you can still get laid online. My personal preference is Facebook, which I believe to be the best online dating website for all intents and purposes, but that’s a story in and of itself. This is about OkCupid and POF, and who you’ll find on there…

1. Fat Girls

Let’s be honest, folks. The majority of girls online are land whales that have turned to the intertubes because they know how desperate and anti-social guys can be. These girls aren’t looking for a relationship, they’re looking to con guys more attractive than they are, and receive male attention that they would never get in real life. First, they’ll take pictures that don’t show their full bodies, but rather just their face. And these pictures will be with their head turned at approximately 45 degrees to mask their obese build. Known on the internet as Fat Girl Angle Shot, this is quite possibly the biggest scam perpetrated on American men in 50 years. A scheme that would make Bernie Madoff proud. No man wants to think he’s about to get a regulation hottie (7) and then end up meeting a hideous beast whose physique rivals Vince Wilfork’s wife. I would say roughly 85% of girls you’ll see online are fatties. It is indeed sad that these girls would rather hop online to get attention with misleading looks than take to a treadmill and get attention in real life.

2. Young (and horny) Single Moms

I’ve noticed that guys in real life tend to run for the hills the minute a girl in the 18-24 age range mentions that she has a kid. The theory is that they’re afraid of being sucked in to have their income used to support the child. But a player need not worry about any such attachment. He knows that a random woman will have no access to his money and he won’t get emotionally attached. The majority of these moms are actually pretty attractive, but often emotionally unstable and constantly tired from working a job. Oh, and they’re also horny as shit. Think about it… why’d they have a kid that early on in life if they weren’t horny as shit? People’s sexual tendencies and attitudes never change. These girls are prime for one-night stands or potential friends with benefits if you manage it right. They’ll throw waves of shit tests regarding their kid at you – just be a warrior. Say you love kids and drop some line about how your Aunt recently had twins and how they were always at your house. This category is among the more promising ones concerning getting laid. Not that you should concern yourself with anything else when it comes to online game…

3. Pansexual Freaks

These are girls (some attractive but most aren’t) who will fuck literally anything that walks their way. They’ll claim to be bisexual, and surprisingly aren’t always that fat. They’ll advertise with shining letters on the top of their profile that they’re looking for a no-strings attached relationship in an effort to have their inbox flooded with horny guys. The pansexual freak doesn’t bother to doctor her photos in any way, because by coming out and saying she just wants sex, she’s essentially doing the same thing – generating attention. Desperate men will lower their standards by multiple points if a girl openly says she wants sex. Don’t be one of those guys.

4. The Liberal Feminist Artsy Cunt Likely Majoring In Gender Studies

Oh yes… we’ve all seen it before. A profile that is covered top-to-bottom with holier-than-thou, “I’m smarter than all guys” rhetoric and filled to the brim with intellectual qualifiers that you’d expect to be doled out by a doctorate candidate screener. But who’s behind these things? Some bitch that at her core is deeply flawed and really not nearly as smart as she thinks she is. These girls will quite possibly have sex with you, but it’s nowhere near the investment to tame the rabid hamster that spins within them.

5. The Rare Legit 7 and Above

Accounting for somewhere between 5% and 10% of real girls, there are actual girls that are worth your time. However, they too get inundated with messages from guys just like you, for the same reason… the dude is jerking off behind his laptop screen thinking to himself… “OMG, she’s real… and bangable”. But you need to stand out from these douches. And to do that, you’ll need just a little tidbit of game. Girls typically bitch about how they want a guy to read through their profile and not just their photos. After you’ve carefully examined the photos, and deemed her worthy of your cock, copy and paste one something from her profile that you related to or that made you laugh.

Place it in quotes like this:

“I love to travel… I’ve been all over the U.S. and 6 different countries!”

And then make a comment directly underneath:

“I’ve been to 6 countries as well. Planning a last-minute trip to the Cayman Islands now actually. I’ll tell you what for if you tell me which ones you’ve been to :)”

From there, game as you would.

Conclusion

All these things having been said… if you have a lot of time on your hands, by all means, go for online game. It’s a lot of investment, and must be run alongside regular game – DO NOT become one-dimensional and rely on getting pussy online but it can pay dividends with a little bit of luck, and a lot of game.

Until next time,

IQVX.